you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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