we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
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