hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
