Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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