u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
