Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My feet surprised me
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