my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
