Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
pop tarts are not kleenex
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
