the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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