Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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