My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
we're so committed to being not committed
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
