Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
