a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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