He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
