I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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