tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
