what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Randomize
