Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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