the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
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Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
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Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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