I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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