Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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