someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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