And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
