He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
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Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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