We need to rekindle our bromance
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
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