Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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