Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Randomize
