you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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