Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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