mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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