seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
