i just had sex bonerless
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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