I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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