You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize