Porn is love you can see.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
