I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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