I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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