I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Randomize
