Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
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