I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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