i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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