i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
