that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
The best revenge is premature balding
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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