Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize
