He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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