i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
