i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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