I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
