i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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