Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
