It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
