And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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