At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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