Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
