My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
