i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
