So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
that's an acceptable place to lick
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Randomize
