i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
